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Boys Will Be Boys?

Posted by Kat on March 6, 2009 at 7:50 PM

School starts at 9. Got a call from the nurse at 9:05. Movie Boy was in the clinic with skin abrasions to elbows and knees, after being jumped by another student as he was entering the school. They had just unloaded busses and 1500 students were, all at once, proceeding into the building. The other student, Isaiah, got pushed into the bushes. Movie Boy and his friend Joey happened to be walking by, and Isaiah mistook them as being the ones that pushed him. I guess when you crowd 1500 students into a doorway, you get the Lord of Flies, really. Movie Boy didn?t know what hit him. He turned around, and the kid was making a second lunge at him, so he held up his hand to stop him. This is considered by school administration as having ?laid hands? on the other student. Isaiah then knocked him to his knees, and took off. Joey helped Movie Boy to the clinic, where he was treated and I was called. He and Joey filled out incident reports. The AP, Ms. B, let me know that she was going to let Movie Boy off with ?only a detention?. Is she insane? She said if I didn?t agree with her determination, I could write an appeal.

She asked for it. She?s got it. And so does the entire school board, the superintendent, and the principal.

Ms. B,

My autistic?son Movie Boy has been attacked twice in a very short term ? last week?when he sustained a head injury as a result of being hit by another student, and then again today when he received injuries to his knees and elbows when another boy pushed him to the ground. This on the heels of a string of verbal and physical incidents where he has been on the receiving end of bullying behavior. This has been documented?in numerous e-mails, meetings, and phone calls that included his?teachers, administration, and parents.?The bullying that he?has received?has also been corroborated by his peers.

After taking this abuse?for months, he is?traumatized by it. He now fears for his safety at school as do I.

In our phone conversation this morning, you stated that ?boys will be boys?. This is a dismissive and outdated ideology and one that does little to minimize the trend of bullying in our middle schools, or give me comfort that you recognize the seriousness of the situation. This?attitude is not conducive to a safe environment.

As you know, Movie Boy is a child with autism. Children with autism are more likely than typical children to be victimized by bullying. Unfortunately, the anecdotal evidence in Movie Boy?s experience this year speaks to this despite my efforts and his father?s efforts to effectively work with school personnel to manage it.

As you stated this morning, you have not read Movie Boy?s IEP. If you had, you would know that Movie Boy had communication and social deficits, and that we address these in a series of goals and objectives designed to help him succeed in middle school. We specifically address his inability to appropriately handle negative peer interactions. I am frustrated that he has not received specialized instruction as per his IEP regarding these social interactions and clearly the result of that is that, based on what happened this morning, Movie Boy?s skill in this area has not improved. However, this is through no fault of his own.

His inability to appropriately handle negative peer interactions is a documented deficit of his disability. Without appropriate and?systematic?instruction that takes into consideration his disability, your staff is leaving him completely unprepared to handle these incidents.

Despite the goals and objectives in his IEP, and despite repeated requests by both his father and myself, Movie Boy has been left to handle these attacks without instruction as is guaranteed him under IDEA and ADA.

Disciplinary action for Movie Boy is completely inappropriate. The responsibility for Movie Boy to respond appropriately to an incident such as occurred this morning is the burden of his case manager and IEP team, and therefore he should not be disciplined for this incident, but rather he should immediately receive instruction as to the appropriate method as to handle these attacks, if there is such a thing. I also ascertain that it is the responsibility of the school administration to keep him from being attacked, so he is not put in a position where he must respond. There is such a thing as ?fight or flight? response, and in children with autism this response is especially sensitive.

Movie Boy has done an ADMIRABLE job of taking and taking and taking the abuse that has been piled on him all year, waiting for the adults to improve the situation. He should be commended for his tolerance and patience thus far, and not disciplined because finally in March he may not have responded ?appropriately? to yet another attack. [And it is STILL unclear to me what the "appropriate" response should be.]

This is a shameful situation, to allow a child with a disability to be bullied all year and then point a finger at him.?What has been done to minimize the bullying? What has been done to meet the goals and objectives that are clearly outlined in Movie Boy?s? IEP?

Because if ?boys will be boys? is the best you can come up with, you are simply not protecting my child and have absolutely no insight as to how his disability affects him socially.

I also request that no interaction on this incident or any similar incidents occur without myself or his father present. This is a child with a communication deficit.

Thank you,

Kat

Categories: Having a Voice

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3 Comments

Reply Lona
11:40 PM on March 06, 2009 
I have instructed all three of my children NOT to sign anything that is given to them because the school system uses it against them. Yes, I know this from experience! On Monday I had my son's PE teacher call me asking me if my son could sign the detention slip he was giving him because he said, "Your son said he was not allowed to sign anything unless you saw it first. Understandable." It worked....they called me.

I have also instructed my children not to tell their side of the story until I have spoken to them first. Do not say a word and do not write down your story. They were worried about getting in trouble for being disrespectful and I told them either way the school will call me. The school will use it against them. Yes, I know this from experience too!

My daughter informed me that if you forget or don't do your homework the teachers make you sit up on the stage during lunch. I told her if this happens to her she is to call me immediately. There are too many kids with self esteem issues that don't need to be paraded in front of their peers because of homework that counts only 5% of their grade and that is if the homework is even graded for the day.

I pass this on for all of you who have been caught in the trap of kids telling their side and signing stuff because the "big, bad school employee" told them they had to or oooooh they will be in so much trouble. Then to turn around and have them use it against you. Been there, done that AND it will not happen again.

Lona
Reply Advocate
03:27 PM on March 07, 2009 
[Lona] stated: I have instructed all three of my children NOT to sign anything that is given to them because the school system uses it against them.

THIS IS GREAT ADVICE !
This does protect your child from being "pushed" by school personnel to say or write things that they should not.
CPoe
Reply Amazing Me
01:07 PM on March 09, 2009 
I can't help but wonder if at this point, you are appealing to the Annex of your school to place your son in a different school next year or find one that might meet his needs better? It is obvious that this one is not meeting the most basic of your child's needs: safety. There might be other options. I've pulled my son from one school before and have placed him in others depending on where he was developmentally. Let me know if I can help.